Family, Jesus

When it hurts

I had a different title for this post, and I’ve typed then removed the first line about 7 times. I’ve spent the last several minutes trying to find inspiration to type an uplifting and encouraging post. But today, that’s not how I feel. And that’s okay.

I know we have all been there. We’ve felt deflated, disappointed, afraid. Without going into too much detail, I want to be honest with you guys and tell you it’s been a rough few weeks for me. As much as I like to believe I understand that His plan is THE plan, I still feel defeated when things do not go as I would have hoped they go. When the people in my life that are ‘lost’ show no interest in seeking truth.

Yesterday evening, my husband, my son, and I went to the family farm for the mission of taking four-year photos of my son in the driveway. It’s something we have tried to do every year. After struggling to get my son to sit where I needed him to and actually face me and attempt to smile, we all kind of scattered about. Lucas and I were near the milk house and the farm dog Amy came up. I snapped a few photos just because I had the camera out.

Today in the ache that I’ve been feeling, that photo of Lucas with Amy has brought a stillness into my soul. Its brought perspective into my situation. Not the precious driveway photos we drove there to take, but this impromptu candid shot of a little guy and a little pup. The unexpected and the unplanned.

Isn’t that how life goes?

We complicate things, we build things into structured masterpieces that can only fall and shatter. We can surely be optimistic, and having that positive attitude is vital to our mental wellbeing, but where is the line between optimism and control? How do we handle it? How do we cope?

For me, it’s been nature. The unplugging, the flow of water, the soft rattling of leaves up high in the trees swaying in the summer wind. I feel the strongest connection to God when I’m outdoors.


I pray that each of you have that. Not just an outlet, or a place you run to, but a place that takes you away from the self-control and straight into the arms of Jesus. Because life is hard – it’s so hard. We were not made to do this alone.

I’m vowing to give up control. What happens will happen, just as it’s meant to happen. I’m trusting in Gods plan and I know that he has given me this immense love of nature for healing.




1 thought on “When it hurts”

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