And that’s an understatement.
These past 20 days of my life have been literally indescribable. I hadn’t really even noticed before hand how much of a “control freak” I really was. Everything had its place, every bill to be paid was scheduled about two weeks in advance, and our prep for our second child started around week eight. I mean, I think we had the crib bought by week 12.
God had different plans. He knew I needed a lesson on who is truly in control, and that’s definitely what I got.
Our second son, Jack, was born at 32+6 weeks gestation. I was at work when my water broke. My maternity leave wasn’t finalized yet. I was NOT ready. Yet somehow I still felt like I could control the situation.
Over the course of the next three weeks, God slowly and gracefully taught me several things:
- I am not in control of my life.
- Being comfortable is dangerous.
- I am so grateful I married Earl, I love you.
- Friends can be made in the unlikeliest of places.
- People are so kind.
- Nurses are angels.
- I have the best family, and friends imaginable.
As much as I’d like to say that I already knew most of these things, I don’t acknowledge them enough. Nowhere near enough.
I believe that God used the past three weeks to show me that I am not enough, and I’m not supposed to be enough. We weren’t made to be able to do it you guys, not alone. I’ve talked to God more in the past few weeks than I have in the past several months. He knew I needed Him.
It’s my hope that this Easter brings you closer to Jesus – and in that, we can all stop trying so hard to be perfect. Trying to appear like we have it all together, because let’s be real we’re all a mess. Let’s give our mess to Him. Let us surrender it all, because there’s already a plan laid out for what happens next, whether we’re ready for it or not.